Jelly Snakes and Rainstorms

It has been virtually hurricane weather today, as far as English hurricanes go that is.  The river at the bottom of the hill looks twice its size and about six times as fast.  I’ve heard the wind howling around the roof whilst in the attic and seriously wondered if I it might blow off and should I move things downstairs and all in all it’s been a crappy, crappy January day.

But still, some things must always be done!  Darlek has to be walked to school and back with Sausage in tow, no matter what the weather brings.  It’s only just after Xmas so I’ve just been getting back into the swing of the school run, and it’s not pleasant!

This morning I gave Sausage marmite on toast for breakfast, he wasn’t happy and demanded honey on toast instead and threw it on the floor.  I resolutely picked up the carpet encrusted toast and told him he’d have no such thing because there wasn’t time and that sort of behaviour wasn’t going to earn him any favours.  So he screamed  and yowled ‘Tooooaast!’ at the top of his lungs over and over and over again whilst fighting me off him as I tried to get him ready to go out.  He refused to put his hat on, his gloves on, his coat on, or his wellies and simply flailed around yelling.  Darlek tried to save the day by doing welly puppets with her hand, but even talking welly boots wouldn’t cheer him up.

No way was he  moving!  In the end  I physically picked him up, coatless, wellyless, hatless, scarfless and joyless, and plonked him in the pouring rain on the wall outside the house.  I had no alternative, Darlek was going to be late and he just couldn’t be allowed to get away with behaviour like this.  I locked the door so he couldn’t get back in, although he tried whilst padding around in the puddles in his socks.

Sausage pounded on our front door, shouting ‘Tooooaast!’, alternating between an aggressive ‘Help me I’m being attacked’ tone and an ‘I’m very, very badly hurt!’ tone. I swear I saw curtains twitching. Maybe they thought I was a terrible mum, having him out in such awful monsoon weather so underprepared.  Who gives a flying feck.  He was not going to win this battle.

Eventually he put his wellies and his coat on, although he was still screaming blue murder and refused his hat and gloves.  We began the trek down the  hill – Darlek and I had to cajole him every step of the way, as he stood still, raised his hands in the air in desperation and howled ‘Tooooooaaast!’ every few yards.  It was a nightmare and we were terribly late.

My neibour came out of his house at this point and I felt so embarrassed.  I thought he’ll have heard all the screaming and yelling and will be wondering if I’ve been beating my kids or something.  As it was, he offered us a lift down the hill and once we’d got Sausage in the car (again a difficult feat, he decided he didn’t want a lift) – my neibour simply said he knew what it was like to have a family and chuckled at me going on about honey on toast tantrums, wet socks and Daisy making welly puppets.  Consequently we were on time, and I was very grateful for the help this morning.

And we had to do it all over again this afternoon!  This time Sausage simply flung his wellies off all the time, saying his socks were ‘itchy!’ ie, he was wearing ravenous sock-eating welly boots.  Again his feet were soaking.  It pelted it down with rain, and we had to keep having ‘itchy – foot’ stops.  Again we were on time though!  But this was not the end of the traumas.

I bobbed into the shop to buy some milk and let both kids have huge jelly snakes as a treat.  This meant that Sausage slowed down considerably on the route home, in the rain, and the wind, and the cold – because he was having an indepth conversation with his jelly snake about which team the snake was on or something.  I think Jelly Snake was on the Bad Team personally because he made all of us walk very slowly and risk pneumonia.

We got home, soaked to the skin.  Horace arrived home late because our car stalled after navigating a ford, the kids were bickering, it’s been awful. Sausage began spitting because of the hairs Jelly Snake had picked up because he’d got sticky from the rain and from being carried around so much.  I know Sausage hates hairs in his mouth with a passion – but I still can’t excuse spitting!  Some of the doors handles are ‘orrid and stickly too now because of Jelly Snake’s antics.

The one thing that has made today bearable is my daughter.  This morning she got herself up and dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed…everything.  Brilliant!  When her brother was acting like a badly behaved banshee and I’d completely lost my temper, I saw her sat in the middle of the living room with her arms wrapped around him as he sobbed hysterically.  Darlek was comforting him as best she could because she knew I just couldn’t cope with his irrational, aggressive behaviour anymore.  He wouldn’t take the comfort from me anyway, if I’d have tried it would simply have prompted louder shouting and more of his new fad, which is door slamming.  Darlek is such a love and I’m so grateful for her support.  She is only just reaching 7 years old, but she has the calmness and compassion of a child much older than her years.  This morning, she put me to shame.

And you know what…we have to do this all over again tomorrow morning and this evening the wind and rain howling down the road outside our window, sounds like a train.  I hope it’s sunny tomorrow! If it’s not, I think I may just refuse to get up or hide under the bed.  Anything to avoid the school run. Anything! *whimpers*