Musings on a Dog’s Dinner

Musings on a Dog’s Dinner. 

Unlikely to become famous or can be written about for cheap laughs with no adverse consequences.

Unlikely to become famous or influential….ie can be written about for cheap laughs with no adverse consequences.

As you may have gathered from previous posts, we have a german shepherd called Boris.   I feel I can write about him and his life because he is unlikely to become a famous politician or a pop star in the future – my musings are not going to be detrimental to his future life.  Unless he develops opposable thumbs on his paws, if that happens he may very well take over the world and will curse my blog for letting the world know of his peculiarities and weaknesses….namely chicken tikka marsala, sardines, eggs and cat biscuits.  Goddam our dog, he’s far too clever for his own good.  He eats better than I do. I have been totally and utterly manipulated by his doggy demands.  Help!

I suppose I’m just venting really.  German Shepherds are known for having dodgy tummies, so on dog biscuits he was an absolute nightmare.  They just didn’t suit him, I suppose the politest way I can put it is to say that poo bags just weren’t ‘doing-the-doo’.  So, I put him on what is known as a Raw Food Diet.  He eats raw meat, which up until recently was suiting him quite nicely.  I’ll admit, chopping up bits of raw liver, slopping containers of raw mince into his bowl, lobbing raw chicken carcasses into the back yard for him has been a little traumatic.  I’m very glad I’m not a vegetarian, because I’d be a quivering wreck by now.  So, yep, my dog has turned me into an amateur butcher I suppose.  Until recently.  You see my dog is clever, very clever, devious in fact. He’s decided he wants to choose his own food and has recently refused to eat anything apart from small fish, left over curry and eggs.  Oh, and stolen cat biscuits, much to the despair of our little black kitty.   Rosie has taken to growling sometimes whilst eating her cat biscuits.  Cats growl!  Who knew?  She’s defending her grub from him.  You see he does what we call Counter-Surfing.  Because he’s a big dog he can reach the cat biscuits almost anywhere I leave them, the beast.

So now, 9 times out of 10, he refuses to eat his raw food and will instead rob the cat and raid the dishwasher if I’m not quick enough to stop him.  He had a whole chicken leg the other day sat in his bowl, and he just left it there – preferring instead to sit next to the newly loaded dishwasher licking the chicken tikka marsala encrusted dinner plates.  We do not need a german shepherd pre-wash and try to discourage this behaviour, but he’s a determined furry monster. This is not a balanced diet by anyone’s standards.  He does love sardines and raw eggs though, as a treat.  In desperation I’ve taken to giving him these to stop him starving himself.  Unfortunately he’s realised that if he pretends to starve himself, he gets his favourite foods.  I am, being manipulated by a dog.  It’s not funny anymore.

When I was a kid we had a labrador who would eat ANYTHING, she once scavenged a massive tub of margarine from the fridge and licked a huge dent in the middle of it.  She would eat lettuce, fruit, cooked meat, raw meat, stolen lasagne…anything.   I miss that.  Having a furry hoover had its uses.  If the kids drop crisps, Boris wanders over, sniffs them and then looks up at us as if to say ‘What do you expect me to do with this?!’ and then wanders off.  Perhaps I should borrow a labrador for a day and get them to give Boris hoovering lessons.  For those of you who read quickly and might have mis-sread that, that’s ‘hoovering’, not ‘hovering’.  I do not want my dog to hover – just to eat sensibly.

So that’s it really.  Just a bit of a rant about the battle of wills with Boris.  Life is full of its little challenges.  Challenge 1 – feed dog properly.  Challenge 2 – write more.

This blog is dedicated to my lovely friend Gabrielle who said I should persevere with writing. So I have. Job done.  For today at least.  Next time I may ascend to loftier literary heights of excellence, I might write about the cat’s dinner.

Much love to anyone out there still reading this stuff.  x




4 responses to “Musings on a Dog’s Dinner

  1. Have you checked to see if he is gluten intolerant? Our dog is but it just means he has to have a rice or patoto or rice based food. You can buy dog biscuits that are good, our dogs latest biscuit is potato, with turkey and cranberry. We also give him a small amount of dog food but it’s in jelly and not gravy. For our old dog that really struggled we fed them chicken or turkey cooked with rice. Hope it helps.

  2. I have fussy dogs too! I was told that when we got the second there’d be no more problems because they’d compete. But no – Basil the staffie (the boss dog) will stand back and let my Boris (the boxer) eat first. They have separate bowls but will eat some from each bowl, wander off and then come back and have a little out of the other. I know what you mean about them wanting whatever their human’s are eating too. What I do it leave a little bit of sauce in the pan or jar if I’m using one, add water and the pour onto their dry food. That pretty much guarantees an empty bowl without feeling like you’re losing out!

  3. I haven’t the time or organisational skills to raw feed Stella though she does have the next best thing in my opinion (called Gentle – it has all the good stuff but is cold compressed not awful extruded kibble).

    Having said that now that the canine cancer is back I’m pretty much letting her get away with anything but her favourite still seems to be next door’s cat’s poo!

    Good to see you haven’t totally lost your mojo xox

  4. Kate (@Come_Bye)

    What dog biscuits was he on that caused him problems? It might be that a hypoallergenic complete food by a quality brand (james wellbeloved, burns, royal canin and the like) may suit him? Feeding barf can be quite a science! It could be that his system is craving certain nutients, but don’t get me wrong, im sure you’ve trawled through the literature. As part of my qualifications i have to study, amongst other things, the ‘internals’ of the dog and the complexity is enough to put me off preparing food myself lol. He certainly sounds like a sharp one though….sometimes, just sometimes, it might be nice if they weren’t such quick learners!

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