Beware of Blank Envelopes

Beware of Blank Envelopes

Last week I mucked up, Darlek came out of school sobbing her little heart out.

She told me in the morning ‘Mum I have swimming lessons today, but my swimming costume is too small’ – this was at about 8.30am.  I hurriedly dug out a tenner, shoved it in a blank envelope labelled it ‘For Swimming Costume’ and told her to buy one from the sports centre when she got there.  Last time she wore the costume it was cutting into her shoulders so I figured I couldn’t just ask her to put up with it.

It turned out that swimming costumes were £17.50 so she didn’t have enough and she was the only one out of her class who couldn’t go swimming.  Darlek told me she just sat on the side crying watching them all.  I felt like crap when she told me.   I suppose we can’t be perfect all of the time, but I did really let her down….in more ways than one it turns out.  I apologised to Darlek for being rubbish and promised to try harder.

The tenner was returned to me in a small envelope with a note saying that Darlek hadn’t got enough for a swimming costume which was fair enough.  But, they also sent back the original envelope with my ‘For Swimming Costume’ note on.  On it the teacher had written ‘This hair was found inside the envelope with Darlek’s money?’ which made absolutely no sense at all, until I looked inside it.


I’d sent Darlek into her swimming lesson with an insufficient amount of money and a load of hair in an envelope.  Only then did I remember that when I cut Sausage’s hair for the very first time, I’d put it safely in an unmarked envelope which had then been put with my other stationary because I’m an idiot.  In the rush I’d not checked what was in there.  Consequently I now look like I’ve tried to pay for Darlek’s swimming costume with a tenner and blonde tangled human hair.  Normal people try to make up the difference with spare change lying around the house, not me.  I suspect Mrs W now thinks Darlek’s mum is absolutely insane.

Darlek’s teacher will no doubt check any envelopes sent from our house for toe-nail clippings and other such loveliness from now on.  I mean, human hair for starters, what’s next?  I feel, as they say, a complete tit and will have to explain myself the next time I go into school.

Mind you, I once received a letter from school asking me to bring in ‘Willies’ instead of ‘Wellies’ so they must be fairly used to finding odd things in jiffy bags and envelopes sent in by parents?


8 responses to “Beware of Blank Envelopes

  1. maybe she should have told you a week before she needed a costume she was in need. Hopefully asda will have one that you can pick it with your shopping

  2. Helen O'Keeffe

    I am just imagining the teachers face as she opens the envelope! Love it – you have cheered up my very dreary day. Thank you.

  3. It’s the way you tell these things Kay – never stop! You make me laugh like no other blog does. xxxx

  4. I must have been reading your blog for too long – I actually remember the ‘willies’ letter! You must be doing something right because I’m still reading it!

  5. Oh dear, laughed out loud, as they say! When I read the headline I thought you were going to be talking about paper cuts!
    Perhaps you could collect enough hair and knit a stylish swimming costume from it?
    Please don’t ever change…

  6. Hell, that’d be itchy Squirrelbasket. Mebbe not! :O)

  7. They must of looked hard to find a single hair, and also sad enough to send it back

  8. Ah no, it was a handful of hair. Just shoved at the bottom of the envelope so I didn’t see it when I put the tenner in.

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