Armoured Bears, Bats
and Apple Crumble
This evening I am writing to distract myself from wanting to chew my own arm off. I am so hungry it is ridiculous. Honestly, I’m so terribly bored of ricecakes, they get stuck in my teeth and sort of squeak when I bite them. Raisins are simply too raisiny after too many of them. I’ve run out of popcorn kernels. I’ve already eaten an apple a day so that’ll keep the doctor away if not hunger pangs and I’m only just resisting the urge to eat every single one of the Jenny Craig snacks I own in one huge binge. It’s official. I am struggling. You know they say that men think about sex every 30 seconds or something ridiculous like that; well if I let my mind go blank for any period of time at all, I start imagining massive steaming hot bowls of apple crumble smothered in custard. Anyway, scintillating as my food habits are, I think I should probably move on.
It’s World Book Day tomorrow, and guess who only remembered at 9.45ish this evening? Me! Typical last minute panicking. I tried a Matilda outfit, but she wears a blue dress and we have nothing like that, not even a blue top and a blue skirt. Then I seriously considered Augustus Gloop for a minute or so, a friend of mine suggested shoving a load of newspaper down some jogger pants and tops and smearing her in brown stuff (gravy granules?) to make her look like she was smothered in chocolate and very overweight. I just couldn’t do it! She’d need counselling after that!
I weighed up the pro’s and cons of dressing her in a normal outfit and draping her in pans so she could look like Saucepan Man from the Faraway Tree, but I can imagine her getting rather annoyed with real pans and I couldn’t be arsed to make tons of pretend ones. Anyway! I finally found a huge pink faux fur trimmed coat that I’ve been saving for Darlek for years, I think it’ll fit her now, and I’ve found her Build A Bear teddy bear and covered it in tin foil so it looks like it’s wearing armour (or maybe it just looks like an odd Xmas turkey with ears and four legs). Can you guess the character yet?
Darlek will be Lyra from the Golden Compass! It’s a bit of a drawback that I can’t find any compasses in the house, although I know there’s a box of un-crackered crackers in the Xmas box upstairs and I bet there’s a compass amongst them. It seems a bit OTT and frankly lonely to sit upstairs pulling crackers on my own, even if I am only compass hunting. So, anyway, she’ll have to make do with her tin-foiled armoured bear. Darlek had forgotten too, I only remembered after she went to bed, so this has not been discussed with her at all. No doubt tomorrow morning, she’ll wake up and refuse flatly to wear the outfit and I shall want to scream and tear my hair out. I tried my hardest! Not much more I can do than that.
Sausage is going to go to nursery in his Halloween Bat outfit if I can find it tomorrow. He loves his bat outfit and my very weak connection with a book character is that, there are Batman comics with bats in them. Sausage has never read these comics and is unlikely to for many years; but he has been playing Lego Batman on the Playstation an awful lot recently and really, really loves Batman. The other day he ran around holding the back of his coat up like a cloak and shouted ‘I’m gonna get you baddies!’ so he’s very into the whole thing. I have no Batman costume, so I’m going half way there. A Bat it is! I’ll try and get a photo to post tomorrow :O)
Next year I shall be more organised, and pigs shall fly in formation over Bradford.