Cracking Coconuts and Crocodiles


Cracking Coconuts and Crocodiles!

And no it’s not  recipe blog.  It’d be horrible one if it was!

Today has been a bit of a caffeine fuelled day to be honest.  Last night Sausage ambled up the stairs to our bedroom in the attic at about 3am saying he had been having his usual nightmare about crocodiles so I had to try and get him to go back to sleep and stay in his bed rather than ours.  This ended up with me asleep on his bedroom floor – which he loves because he can divebomb me with teddies from the top of his cabin bed first thing in the morning.  This time I did wake up though and stumbled back up to our bed, whereupon I was snored at and woken at 6am by Sausage again saying he’d had a nightmare yet again and could he sleep in our bed?  I let him because I was desperate for sleep, so he happily lay there kicking me in my back until I finally gave up and got out of bed.  This is all after having got to bed at 12.30pm which is a late one for me.  So….today I have been mostly in a dozy daze.

Darlek has been off school too, she was sent home yesterday because she’d gone very pale and was complaining of an earache and a headache.   I thought she was maybe playing it up a bit, but she got home and just put herself to bed.  So this morning I decided to keep her home and coddle her a bit.  Later I found I’d made a very convenient decision because I couldn’t have got out of the house even if I’d wanted to.  The house had eaten my housekeys.  We were locked in all day until Horace got home from work at 7pm.  After a brief search Horace found the offending keys and made me feel like an absolute idiot, which of course I am.  I cannot for the life of me keep track of those keys, or my debit cards, or my phone, or my life for that matter.

In the afternoon Darlek stopped half vomiting in her plastic bowl, and brightened up a little and then the arguments and the cabin fever started.  Sausage resorted to running laps around the living room after Darlek said he had been ‘Moopiefied’ to get him to run off and leave her alone.  To explain;  ‘Moopified’ is a new verb in this house.  Whenever Darlek wants her brother to do something, she’ll tell him, she’ll ‘Moopify’ him – which basically means that if he does whatever it is that she wants him to do, she’ll turn him into a Muppet.  Sausage, being the gullible little 3 year old that he is, believes every word and does a strange floppy, wobbly headed walk / run after his moopification.  This would be very cute, but he is rather hard to control when he is a Muppet.  I think the moopification process makes him a little hyper.

*** Warning to parents considering taking their kids to see The Muppets.  Your children may be moopified after viewing.

I did try to do some housework, honestly I did.  Someone once told me the trick to keeping up with tidying, is to make sure that you never leave a room empty handed.  I tried that, but every time I did, I ended up wandering back into the same room carrying the same item, still not knowing where the hell to put it!  I am a hopeless case.  So in all truth, today I didn’t do housework at all, I just picked things up, wandered around with them and put them down somewhere else, usually arbitrarily chosen.

The grand finale for today was the Cracking of the Coconut!  Both kids were fascinated with coconuts the last time we went Morrisons, so we got one for them.  This evening saw me on my hands and knees on our kitchen floor whacking a very stubborn coconut with a massive hammer – this is of course after draining the coconut milk and the kids going ‘Ew!’ lots at it.  I drank all of it because they didn’t want it.  It’s probably highly calorific and Jenny Craig would scold me terribly, but just don’t tell her…ok?  *taps side of nose and winks*

Anyway, back to bashing the living daylights out of the coconut…. I narrowly missed my hand several times, but eventually heard a satisfying crack and managed to use the other end of the hammer to wedge it open and finally get at the coconut.  This must have taken me about 10 minutes I think.  After all my efforts the kids chewed their wadge of coconut, pulled faces and spat it out.  You just can’t please some people!  I don’t think Horace is very keen on coconut either so I have a whole one to get through one way or another.  I might go into making knock-off Bounties or something, or I suppose I could go and find a monkey.  Do monkeys eat coconuts?  I know they chuck them around a fair bit, or is that just in Um-Bongo adverts.

So to summarise:   Point 1 – I’m tired. Point 2 – Crocodile nightmares are very annoying. Point 3 – Advice on how to Moopify your children.  Point 4 – musings on the subject of coconuts and monkeys.

I think I might need to get out more.  I’m so glad I know where they keys are now! (or do I? *looks worried and pats pockets*)

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8 responses to “Cracking Coconuts and Crocodiles

  1. Fabulous, I can’t help smiling at this, imagining my 3 year old running round after being moopified, lol.
    I love coconut, but its too much effort for me to crack one open, I don’t think I even own a hammer actually.

  2. 😆 Fantastic! I can so relate to these kind of days. Actually it’s pretty much every day… Minus the sickness, poor Darlek. Hope you get a better night’s sleep tonight x

  3. Don’t worry about the hiding house keys. I am also unable to keep track of the pesky things. Have found myself locked in or out at least three times in the last month! My only idea is perhaps you could use a coconut half as an ‘unmissable’ key ring. lots of love to you, Horace, Darlek and Sausage x

  4. I totally love finding your updates in my email of a morning, I so enjoyed this! Like you my 2 year old toddler is doing the whole nightmare thing where’s the eldest enjoys nothing more than a good early hours chin wag with the invisable man (often takes himself on a tour around the house while in sleep walking mode too). I love how u tell it how it is, keys, phone… that’s the story of my life, the battle to find stuff I only just put down! Tidying, I get that too, moving things about like musical chairs only having walked around doing what I thought was cleaning for the last two hours, I suddenly realise that in actual fact it’s messier then when I started, that or I’ve actually made it look beautiful, yet all the stuff I picked up got dumped in another room (moving mess from one room to another… how productive) lol.

    Well, hope today’s a great one for you.x

  5. Lol. I can never find me keys, my purse, my phone…
    My husband bought me a keyring you whistle to and it beeps to let you know where your keys are. I can’t whistle but it went off every time the kids made a high pitched noise. It broke quite quickly…
    Then my husband bought me a little cupboard to hang me keys in and put it up in the hall. The problem, though, seems to be that my keys lie the fist place I see when I enter the building. Be it the toilet, my handbag, a random pocket, the coffee table, next to the kettle, on the floor where I dropped the shopping, the list is endless.
    My husband keeps telling me to ring my mobile in order to find it. But it nearly always turns out that I forgot to charge it, so it’s flat.

    I think my husband, sometimes, feels a little frustrated…

  6. Ah think of all the calories you burned trying to get into the coconut! I lose everything 🙂

  7. we dont like coconut milk so getting into a coconut is a) easy and b) good for frustration/exercise – take said coconut out the back door and throw it as hard as you can at the path ( just mind your feet Kay) 2 or 3 times and it usually breaks, you do loose the milk but we dont care. Last time Fifi and I did this the coconut was all brown and yucky inside ( why is it every time I type coconut I have to correct it cos it comes out as cocnut?? stupid word anyway

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