Hula-Hoops a La-Packet, Cookies & Sausage Butties


Hula-Hoops a-la-Packet & Sausage Butties.

This is me confessing my crapness at housewifery.  Tonight my dearest Horace came home to find a quarter of a Mathersons sausage in a bowl, and a home-made cookie made by my son’s fair hands…..and that was it.

He looked at me, laughed, suggested I take a photo as proof of my culinary skills, and made himself a butty.  I felt very shamefaced, but offered him the cookie as a dessert and suggested that as a whole, this wierd concoction of a meal was sort of balanced.  I mean, cookies are made of flour, and erm….flour comes from wheat doesn’t it…..and erm….wheat is a plant?

*Kay gradually mutters quieter and quieter until stared down by shocked and disapproving blog readers*

Alright then, it was rubbish! I’m currently staring at my feet trying to look repentant.  I suspect Healthy Supplies may revoke their sponsorship at any moment and ban me from their pages in case I suggest Coca-Cola is a Health Food because it’s got Coca in it, which comes from a Cocoa bean, which is an…erm plant?

To explain! I had to meet Darlek at school, then had to wait around for another 45 minutes in the classroom so I could go to the parent’s evening and talk about Darlek really loving maths, but really not being bothered about spelling.  I have no idea where she gets that fom.  Then we had to walk home in the darkening, cold evening, while Sausage collected sticks and randomly fell over twice.  The poor love seems to have shot up in height and appears to be getting his legs tangled all the time.   Think baby giraffe.

On arriving home, I had to get Darlek dressed for a ‘Pink Party’ at her Rainbows group.  That’s not very ‘Rainbowish’ is it?!  I hope the other colours didn’t feel left out.  Anyway, after digging out random pink T’shirts and trying to blackmail her into wearing a pink knitted jumper, she eventually got herself ready while I bombed around the kitchen at a million miles an hour opening tins of Big Soup and making Matheson’s Sausage butties.  This is all whilst reassuring Sausage that it didn’t matter if he missed out on the Pink Party because Darlek would bring him back a chocolate coin.  He was very upset he wasn’t going, but the promise of chocolate cheered him up and he stopped whimpering after a bit.

So I fed them a half nutritious tea, with an apple for pudding.  In typical kitty fashion, he climbed on the table when Sausage was looking the other way and stuck his nose in his dinner, so Sausage only got half his soup, but at least he ate his butty and his apple.  After approximately 45 minutes of me doing the wall of death, Darlek headed out to her do, and Horace arrived home from work.  To a scene of absolute destruction as usual, and to a truly appalling tea.  I didn’t have time to make Horace a sandwich in advance and there’s only so far a tin of Big Soup will stretch.   Hence a slice of sausage in a bowl and a cookie!

All I can say is that it was the result of me being a damn good mum and I refuse to feel rubbish about it.  There’s only so much I can do! I got to the parent’s eve, baked cookies with Sausage, got Darlek in costume and to her party, washed up, cleaned up, ran in circles, sat watching rubbish TV with Sausage to keep him company (mindblowingly boring!), and didn’t lose my temper once – even when poked with sticks on the school run and accidentally headbutted.

To be fair, I’ve only had a sausage butty and one packet of Hula-Hoops myself so I’ve not fared much better than Horace.  What worries me is that they do say ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ so I may have to up my game tomorrow!  Perhaps I’ll make a cheese & tomato butty and impress him with my buttering bread skills.  Perhaps I’ll order a takeaway and put it on plates and pretend I made it whilst hiding the tubs at the bottom of the bin.  Perhaps I’ll microwave a potato.  I’m a culinary genius moi!

Having said all this, I also have two happy, healthy kids who get a balanced meal most days, a reasonably clean but chaotic house and we do ok.  What the hell!  It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things……and  I seriously doubt Horace will stop loving me simply because I make him a duff meal every now and then.  Well, I hope not anyway! *Kay eyes the oven nervously and wonders about how to cook roast duck or some other such posh meal*

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3 responses to “Hula-Hoops a La-Packet, Cookies & Sausage Butties

  1. Lol, sounds like the utter chaos in my house most days, and I only have the one to worry about!

    I bet most of your readers have days exactly like these, so don’t you worry gal, by the way, you ARE a culinary genius, I have the image of a chicken with a coke can up it’s butt forever etched on my mind!

  2. Nice one Kay. I’ve often come home from work to either nothing or a burnt / raw offering. Often the saucepan ‘s ask if I’ve cooked before committing to eating.

  3. funnily enough mine had a bowl of veg soup (home made with healthy supplies millet in….creep crawl…..nice sponsors…better write me recipes up for them) and……wait for……a packet of plain crisps (supermarkets own 6 bags for 34p)……..then home made coconut and lemon cake (dont ask granddaughter was making them and home made soya custard….so mine didnt fair much better.

    my excuse mummy feeds them healthy 6 days a week, grandma just messes it up the other!!

    just think if you dont use the oven you dont need to clean it – every cloud and all that crap

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