I cannot sleep at all, for once it’s not because of Horace’s snoring, it’s because my own thoughts are too noisy. I simply cannot get them to shut up, no matter how hard I try. This week has been a bit of an emotional one really, and I think as soon as I try and process what’s going on, my thoughts go into whirlwind mode. Perfect at 5am with a busy day looming. Ah well, bring on the strong coffees!
My Colitis hasn’t settled down, so although I’m not on steroids now (weaned off last week) I’m now going through steroid withdrawal which means I’m very fatigued and have a bit of joint pain. Nice. You know when you hear little old ladies discussing their ailments, well, I’m prematurely aged I think, that’s me now. I’m on anti-inflammatories for the rest of my life as far as I can see, and have to balance other medication too. In addition to this I have an urgent colonoscopy to look forward to. I could go on, but you’d just sigh and go make a cup of tea, so I shan’t. Did I tell you my head was dropping off too by the way, and that it only hurts when I laugh?
I do at least have one particularly lovely memory to hold onto this week, it’s not all bad.
Walking back from my sister’s house, me and the kids came across a whole banking scattered with Himalayan Balsam, a beautiful tall plant that bears baby pink flowers that look a little like huge snapdragons. These have explosive ripe seed pods that literally pop between your fingers if you squeeze them, hurling tiny black cannon ball seeds into the air, leaving curled seedpods behind.
We must have spent at least 10 minutes wandering up and down finding the biggest, ripest pods and popping them. Darlek and Sausage found them absolutely fascinating. I mean, it’s a plant that goes ‘Pop!’, how cool is that?! There were cries of ‘Wow!’, ‘Oy, I was going to pop that one!’, ‘Mine is bigger than yours!’ and ‘Why does it do that mum?’. I chatted to them about how it’s an ‘invasive’ plant, ie, it was brought to this country as a garden plant, but it escaped and now it’s free it’s going mad – hence why it covered almost all of this banking that we’d found. I spent a while talking about the different ways plants reproduce themselves too. No doubt I was very boring, but my two humoured me and at least pretended to listen. I think, as far as plants go, it’s quite an exciting one – it’s foreign, it can ‘escape’ from gardens, it goes mad and takes over large areas and best of all it goes ‘Pop!’ Great for getting kids interested in greenery!
It was late evening, the sun was a rusty gold colour and it was warm. I suspect, or maybe I just hope, that my two will remember that little episode. We had fun and as a parent, I feel honoured that I’m the one that gets to show them these little things. The perks of the job!
So, from this week I choose to remember my two running up and down massive banks of pink flowers, taller than themselves, squealing excitedly, and firing seedpods everywhere. That is what I shall try to remember instead of hospital appointments, bags of medication and my poor dad being unable to walk the corridors of the hospital because his legs gave up on him. Mum had to drag him in a wheelchair and he looked so humiliated. I could have cried for him.
So, I cannot sleep. I feel like my own head will go pop soon with worry and stupid things I have no control over. At least I’ve purged my thoughts, and as the sky turns a lighter grey smudged with patches of murky white, another day begins. I’m going to go and make a nice steaming hot cup of tea, and await the sound of little feet thudding up and down the landing.