Shut Up and Stop Judging me!


Shut Up and Stop Judging Me!

The fact of the matter is that my son runs about a lot and is in danger of throwing himself under a car if I don’t keep a close eye on him.  I’m just grateful his sister has calmed down, she did the same when she was younger, only she didn’t have the attitude problem Sausage has.

On the school run this hyperactivity manifests itself in the form of Sausage running helter skelter down the hill, shedding gloves, hats and toys – sometimes dropped, sometimes triumphantly thrown into other people’s gardens as he passes.  Then there’s Darlek and me trotting on behind, usually with me yelling ‘Sausage!!’ (obviously I use his real name) like a fishwife, and with Darlek trying to keep up whilst carrying her school bag and falling over her feet.  Poor love has my co-ordination, or the lack of it.

More often than not he’ll stop at roads, but he does tend to get to the end of the pavement, and then run around the corner where I can’t see him, which is unnerving to put it mildly.  How do I know if there’s a car there or not?  So, nowadays, if he doesn’t stop when I shout, or come back when I ask him to, he gets put back in the pushchair – end of!  Problem is, he fights with me like a little screaming, obnoxious beastie every time I have to do this.

Yesterday, we had an incident like this.  Sausage bombed down the hill, I yelled and ran, Darlek tried to keep up and I finally caught him.  He hadn’t stopped when I’d asked him so I told him firmly that this behaviour was not acceptable and tried to put him in his pushchair.  Sausage started screaming like I was trying to murder him, and went completely rigid.  The straps on the pushchair need resetting and are a little too short, which isn’t normally a problem, but considering Sausage was being really awkward, I couldn’t clip him in.

We were late getting to school so I got more and more upset and annoyed.  Sausage cranked up the screaming ab-dabs and fought me, pushing and squirming and throwing himself out of the seat.   You know the way some people bottle their feelings up?  Well, that’s not me.  I felt I could not control my own son, and felt a failure and although I carried on battling with Sausage, my eyes blurred with tears.  No matter of cajoling or pushing or calming was working.

After a while I became aware of a man shouting, but I didn’t look to see why because I had more important things to be dealing with.  The shouting became louder, and I still didn’t pay any attention, and carried on trying desperately to wrap pushchair straps around my son and clip him in.  By this time, tears were streaming down my face.

I didn’t think anyone was around (we live in an area fairly out of town), but a woman suddenly rushed up the street towards me, dragging her dog along with her.  Thank god for random kindnesses.  She asked me if she could help, and I wiped my tears away with my sleeve and tried to regain my composure, but really struggled.  I explained that Sausage keeps trying to run away, and that it’s dangerous, and I just could not allow him to get away with it, and that was why I was basically fighting with him to get him back in his chair.  This lovely woman talked to Sausage, and to me and helped calm the situation, for which I am eternally grateful.

I clicked the straps and stood up.  Patting her dog and getting ready to carry on with her dog walk she said ‘Did you hear that man shouting at you?  That’s why I came to see what was going on.’

Apparently a man had been stood at the other side of the road, shouting from his window at me for assaulting my son or something.  I have no idea what he said, or even who he was because I was not aware of him.  I was just aware of the urgency of trying to keep my son safe and of trying to control him.  It’s admirable that people keep an eye out for the welfare of children, but what the hell was that man thinking?  If he was so concerned for my son, why didn’t he come out of his house, cross the road and ask what was going on?  As it was, he shouted at a crying woman in the street, with a crying child and a very upset 5 year old girl.  Poor Darlek, she didn’t know what was going on.  She was such a love, and as I carried on with the school run, bright red and tear stained, she wrapped her arm around me every now and then and hugged me.

As I wasn’t aware of him whilst all this was going on, I don’t actualy know what he looks like, but every single time I walk down that street I shall worry about meeting him.  If only I knew what he looked like and then I could explain.  Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t know what he looks like, but I hate to think that anyone would suspect me of hurting my child.

As one of my friends said, he was a random tosspot and it’s a shame there’s so many of them about – but at least the world has its share of  ‘salt of the earth’ types too.  I really hope I see that woman again so I can say thanks.

Since this incident, I’ve talked to a few other mums who have had very similar experiences.  Not only do we face our own fierce criticism (well I do anyway) we have to cope with criticism and judgement from strangers too.   It’s not fair.

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9 responses to “Shut Up and Stop Judging me!

  1. hugs hun Ive had more moments like that than I care to remember!!

  2. Children at that age, really don’t see the dangers out there. I remember the exact thing especially if we were walking with other children.
    They run as if they are prisoners that have never been out- the more they run the more energy they seem to have – as if they have escaped!!!!

    I remember so well the rigid child that won’t bend on the middle!!!! I’ve this to look forward too eek!!!

    Big hugs Kay, we’ve all been there. A xxx

  3. sheila160852@live.co.uk

    I agree wholeheartedly with all you say, I would like to think that people were concerned with the welfare of any child, if more people were like the lady you saw there would be a lot less abuse. the man although meant well he was totally useless, if you had been abusing your child, shouting would have been of no earthly use. I have had problems with my own young relatives taking tantrums in the street and various other places, as well as seeing mothers tryimg to deal with tantrums just like yourself, and I hope I would try to help and give reassurance, rather than criticise and condemn. I wish people would just try to remember that at some point it happens to us all.

  4. Lol, aww pooor you, I had a “visit” from the child protection team late last year for a very similar reason! “well-meaning” neighbour, who I have actually never even spoken to or been spoken to by, actually gave them my and sons name and address!
    It does make you fell even more inadequate doesn’t it!

    Don’t worry, my mom says things like this happened all the time when I was little, ( apparently I was a nightmare for years!) yet in those days folks actually helped, not criticised!

    I bet that blokey doesn’t have any kids, therefore has absolutely no idea what it’s like!

    Have to admit, before BabyMibs , I too was slightly guilty of the cross thoughts towards an harrassed mom in a supermarket with kiddie throwing tantrum scenario! Tis easy to be a critic when you have no experience of a situation yourself!

    Am learning the fast and hard way too! lol BabyMibs does exactly the same as your Sausage, just runs for no apparent rhyme or reason!

  5. I did comment on your facebook post about this, but never like to reveal too much on there, I had to comment as I experienced this so often with my eldest, who has severe behaviour problems, it’s embarrassing enough when your child is having a tantrum and you know everyone is looking at you, but at least you can ignore that whilst you’re busy trying to calm the child, so many people came right up to me, all too often waiting till the tantrum was over and telling me I should control my child etc.
    It really annoys me that people don’t think before they jump in, most of the people who behave like this have no children and therefore no idea of what parents have to cope with on a daily (in my case multiple times daily) basis.

  6. Firstly huge hugs, what a great post that definitely got the message across. People are so quick to judge and rant they don’t understand.

    I have had very similar experiences but unfortunately because my kids have problems like autism/special needs people have a go and think they have the right to have a go.

    I have got a waist strap for my 4 year old as she ran off and nearly went in the path of the car, people criticise me for treating her as a baby but least I know she is safe.

    You are a great parent don’t listen to the idiots xx

  7. This is one of the things that winds me up the most. I too often have that same struggle with LO, although shes been positively angelic of late so I’m not going to knock it too much!

    Huge hugs for you. Ignore the stupid man – A prime example of the growing ignorance in todays society! Grrr

  8. wendy @kikicomp

    I have the same problem with my lad running off and I know he will run straight into road as he has done before – people stare so when I grab him by whatever I can:(

    If we are going anywhere I tend to have him on the rucksack reigns so that I know Ive got hold of him.

    Big hugs & I’d remember the kind lady rather than the silly man x

  9. Ah bless your heart, it’s only daft self-righteous people who wouldn’t realise that we will all face this somewhere sometime.

    Don’t worry about the man, heres a little secret about life: Only 50% of the world will every like/support/agree with you. There’s always a balance, hence the lovely lady. So if you ever encounter him again, you’ll also encounter someone, or something to balance it out (you just need to remember to look for it). The right person was empathetic to you, because she could help. I bet he would have made matters worse.

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