The Vorticity Has Landed!
(Let’s see if I can carry this off…….please suspend belief about NOW!) **clicks fingers and puts readers into trance**
My house is my castle and my pride and joy! My only goal in life is to have a pristine homestead sparkling in the light of the midday sun pouring through my immaculately cleaned windows. I simply live to wash my whites till they are blindingly snow white and painful to look at. I am a domestic goddess and dirt is my enemy!!! (voice rises to a crescendo)
Have I convinced you? I tried very hard to. Ah well, I suppose it’s hopeless…. I should face facts and accept that you will never call me Hyachinth Bouquet without smirking.
Let’s try a more truthful approach. My house is a mess most of the time and I struggle to keep it together. To be honest, keeping my house tidy is the bane of my life. I hate housework with a passion, and 9 times out of 10 I’d rather be off somewhere else, doing something interesting. Housework is not my ‘thing’. Life is too short to waste ironing underpants.
I do like a clean, clutter free carpet though, nothing annoys me more than having to navigate a toy studded, crumb scattered, living room carpet. Once a day, without fail, I clear the scattered toys and hoover. It’s an essential task, like cleaning my teeth.
And now…drum roll (please stamp feet quickly on the floor)…..I have the perfect tool for the job! Morphy Richards sent me a Vorticity Hoover to try out! It came in a surprisingly small box which my kids ripped to pieces in a matter of minutes. Once liberated from the box, my kids began assembling the hoover. Yes, you did read that right. Well, they do say to encourage problem solving capabilities in children, and I had a cup of tea to finish. Priorities midear! They were more than happy to help though and merrily dragged tubes and hoses about; Sausage played trumpets with the longest metal tube whilst Darlek took her reponsibilities very sensibly and tried to fit things into things and make something that was of a hoover-like shape. They assembled the hoover in about 20 minutes, properly too! (Darlek did try to fit the hose directly to the front of the vacuum cleaner once, but that was the only hiccup) So I can vouch for it being ‘Easy Assembly!’ – if 5 year old and a 2 year old can do it, anyone can. This sort of thing always impresses me. Give me any bit of equipment that involves following diagrams and things marked ‘A’ and ‘B’ and I’m immediately aggravated. It’s all good so far!
So, I am the proud owner of two hoovers! Horace (I can’t believe he’s made me call him that!) refuses to get rid of the old one just yet, so we have something that resembles a ‘hoover nest’ under the stairs. It’s very dark and quiet under there, and we have a load of newspaper stacked with it for recycling too, so I reckon we have the perfect environment for hoover breeding. With any luck we’ll end up with a little baby hand held dust buster. If we hear rustling in the evenings, it won’t be mice, it’ll be the hoovers.
I’ll be putting our Vorticity through its paces in another follow up blog, and by then I may have christened it too. People name their cars don’t they, why not a hoover? ‘Felicity’ seems the obvious choice, but this does depend on how it performs. It may be called other less flattering names if it refuses to hoover raisins or bits of dried play-doh for example. We shall see, as they say!!
If you want to read more about this innovative hoover (I’ll explain why it’s so different later) pls click here! – the full on ‘review’ of the hoover is HERE if you want to see how well it fared over the course of a year.